


On the Birds and the Bees

by JXValentine



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen, Implied Relationships, Multi, Prompt Fic, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-31
Updated: 2012-05-31
Packaged: 2017-11-06 10:35:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/417883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JXValentine/pseuds/JXValentine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Ash Ketchum asks a simple question and gets no simple answers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On the Birds and the Bees

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Pokémon Kink Meme. Prompt is here: http://pokanon.livejournal.com/517.html?thread=2120965#t2120965

When Ash asked Delia, she first responded with a blink and a horrified look. Then, struggling to maintain her composure, she forced herself to smile.

"Why, honey," she said, "where did you hear that?"

Ash shrugged. "Cilan told me. He said he had it all the time with Chili an' Cress, an' when I asked him, Iris asked me if I had the Talk with you already, an' when I said no, they both said I should talk to you about it." He paused. "So is 'manage-a-twine' some kinda cake? 'Cause it sounds more like somethin' Brock does when he's fixin' holes in our clothes."

Delia made a mental note to keep a careful eye on Ash's companions. When she spoke next, her tone was somber. "Ash, honey, before I answer, did anyone tell you where babies come from?"

Naturally, her son looked confused. "You did. You said pidgeot bring 'em, remember?"

"That's right," his mother replied quickly. "Did anyone tell you anything else?"

"No."

"Good."

And before Ash could ask again, Delia quickly moved on to the subject of whether or not he was cleaning his underwear every day.

It was a very confusing conversation in his opinion.

\---

Professor Oak looked startled.

"Ash, my boy… why are you asking me?"

The boy shrugged. "'Cause Mom won't tell me, an' you're the smartest person I know. You gotta have the answer, Professor! If anyone does, it's you!"

Professor Oak cleared his throat. "W-well… I'm not sure if your mother would approve of me telling you myself."

Ash clapped his hands together and bowed his head. "Please? I'll do anything you want to know! I'll even clean up after my tauros!"

With a sigh, Professor Oak had to admit internally that he admired the boy's determination. Besides, it was okay if he was going to find out eventually, right? Delia would understand.

"You see, Ash, when a man and a woman love each other…"

Ash walked away from that conversation horribly, horribly confused.

\---

Tracey drew pictures. This didn't help Ash at all, and Delia forbade the watcher from coming anywhere near Ash again after she found out about it.

\---

"Of course I know all about that!" Brock said. "I was a breeder, after all!"

Ash tilted his head. "Huh?"

"Look. When a guy and a girl really like each other—"

"Professor Oak already told me about that part, but I don't get it. Is it like kissin'?"

Brock hesitated. "Well… not really. It comes after kissing, Ash."

"So is it something you want to do when you went up to all those girls while we were traveling together?"

At that, Brock laughed. "Oh, you'd better believe it!"

Delia forbade Brock from going anywhere near Ash after she found out about this conversation too.

\---

"You don't ask a lady that!" Misty screeched.

Ash looked taken aback. "But—"

"No! You do not ask a lady that!"

"Well, what if you're not a lady?"

She slapped him, and that was the end of that conversation.

\---

"Um, that's a good question," May replied. "I asked my mom and dad, and they said they'll tell me when I turn sixteen."

"That's weird. My mom said the same thing," Ash said.

Max rolled his eyes. "I can't believe neither of you know."

"Well, you don't know either!" May snapped.

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

Ash decided to ask Dawn.

\---

"Sorry, Ash, but I don't know either. Mom said it's something I'm way too young to know about," Dawn told him.

Ash sighed in exasperation. "But you're the most grown-up girl I know! You've got to know something!"

"Well…" Dawn tapped her chin with a finger. "Come to think of it, my mom has a DVD of a movie about it and cities, and I caught her watching it once."

"Oh yeah? What'd it say?"

"I don't know. All the movie seemed to be about a bunch of people fighting a lot over marriages. So maybe it's just a kind of fight?"

Ash blinked. "But people've been telling me that it happens when people are in love!"

Dawn frowned. "I don't get it either. Sorry, Ash."

So Ash left that conversation feeling incredibly confused too. And a little inclined to believe it had something to do with pokémon battles.

\---

"Oh ho ho!" Jessie squealed. "Our little twerp is growing up!"

"But why's he askin' us?" Meowth hissed.

"'Cause no one else I know will tell me, an' you guys sound like you know."

"And do we ever," James answered flamboyantly.

"But what would we get out of telling you?" Jessie asked.

Ash thought briefly with a hand on his chin and his eyes to the sky. Then, an idea hit him.

"I'll buy you a meal."

"That's it? Twoip, you ain't—"

Jessie and James slapped their hands over the cat's mouth. "Deal!"

Removing hers, Jessie clapped her hands together. "So, twerp, listen up because we're only explaining it to you once. Let's start with the basics. What's the difference between a boy and a girl?"

"Uh… one's a boy and one's a girl?"

James smirked and rested his chin on the (still protesting) meowth. "She means what do you have that girls don't?"

"Um…"

Jessie rolled her eyes. "In your pants."

"Boxers?"

James smirked. "And underneath that?"

Ash's eyes widened.

"Right." Jessie held up a finger. "So boys have a penis, but girls have a hole called a vagina." She held up her other hand, shaping the fingers into a hole. "Sex is when the boy puts his penis into the girl's vagina over and over again." She mimed this motion. "It feels good to both the girl and the boy because both of them are touching nerves that make them feel good, got it?"

"Of course, that's not the only type of sex," James drawled, "but we want to give you the basics before we tell you how two boys do it or how two girls do."

"Or how you do it by yourself," Jessie added. "Which leads me to my next point…"

And that's how Ash learned far more than he needed to know about sex (at the cost of several curry dinners).


End file.
